Originally written for Town Hall on 7-3-08

This will not be an important article, but please cut me some slack: Between gay marriage, free speech going down the tubes, the war against Militant Islam and biblical healing, I have addressed many important topics lately. One of the perks to writing your own blog is to vent on those minor annoyances too.

Today’s minor annoyance?  TV Land. You remember TV Land!  At least those of you who get cable are familiar with it. It was designed as a kind of television heaven, a home for the classic sitcoms and dramas; Leave It To Beaver, Dick Van Dyke, The Andy Griffith Show, I Love Lucy, and Bonanza, to name only a few.

I guess they must be under new management. Somebody at headquarters has decided that if TV Land does not also do original programming they are not a legitimate network.  They must have forgotten that those of us who watch, do so because we are not that fond of contemporary programs and we look to the clean classic fun of the old days as a kind of escape haven.

So what was the original program they came up with?  It’s called She’s Got the Look. This is a reality show about women in their 4O’s competing to become a fashion model.  Since most models are in their teens or twenties, this shot in the arm for middle age self esteem is being heralded as a stroke of genius and TV Land seems insufferably pleased with itself. Indeed, these are attractive women and if some one in her 40’s wants to be a model, all the power to her. Still, that’s hardly the point here.

I hate reality shows. I would just as soon have a canker sore removed than to watch one and I freely admit this bias. But let’s put that aside. Supposing we stipulate and admit that to many, reality shows are very entertaining. So be it. A big, fat, obvious question remains: What is this program doing on TV Land?  Are they assuming that the same age which watches the old classics will also be interested in older models? I guess that must be it. Oh, how I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when the TV Land execs held their big meeting over coffee and a polished wood table. “That’s great, J.B. That’s Great! We have a winner!  The people will love it!”

The good news is that this latest act of brilliance is only on once a week. The bad news (dreadful news actually) it that they show a promo for this program during every single commercial break and it is always the first advertisement they screen. This means you cannot watch Andy Griffith without seeing four or five commercials for She’s Got the Look.  A scene they like to repeat the most is from one of the gay judges, reminding everyone that he’s gay. Yeah, that’s a step back into the TV Land of innocence, isn’t it?  Oh, and we do not hear the ending theme song for our favorite shows anymore either. When Andy Griffith finishes, the credits are reduced to about one sixteenth of the screen, the music is turned down and an advertisement is flooded over the screen for (you guessed it) She’s Got the Look!  Oh, and in between programs, guess what they advertise!  I’ll give you three guesses and the first two don’t count.

So far, I am doing an inadequate job of describing how this new TV Land makes me feel. Let me put it another way. Imagine that for years you have had a wonderful and beautiful summer vacation home with a green meadow and a luscious stream. One day you return to your beloved paradise, only to find that this stream had become infested with alligators. The water is still water but you can no longer have the steam without these reptilian monsters who look like they just got kicked off the set of Jurrasic Park. I once had a dream like that. It was positively horrible! Maybe God was giving me a symbolic prediction about the future of TV Land.

I don’t know who the new exec is at TV Land but I hope he gets fired. He probably won’t. She’s Got The Look is a hit. How do I know? TV Land keeps telling me so between and during every one of their other programs. Even the Shopping Network is starting to look more interesting.

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