Today I come to you with my heart in my hand

I freely confess a phenomenon that has amazed and astounded me.

I suspect this is a problem with males more than females but I must confess: I have absolutely no idea how my socks used to disappear.

Yes socks, ordinary socks! Those items of clothing that you wear under your shoes.

They used to disappear. They used to disappear all the time.

I’m not a magician. I can’t pull rabbits out of a hat. But I used to pull off the disappearing socks trick and quite frequently.

I say “used to” for a reason. I’m married now.

I guess any attempt to flatter my wife and say that women do better with laundry then men will be viewed as some kind of horrible, thoughtless chauvinism.

So be it. I really do intend for this discussion to be nothing more than an indictment of my own carelessness although I must confess, I have no idea how the carelessness works and it does at times seem like other outside forces might possibly be at play.

Let me share with you my simple bachelor routine and I’ll just bet other bachelors can relate.

I do a load of laundry. After taking my clothes out of the dryer, I find that I only washed one pair of socks when I had been quite certain that two or three pairs were put in. Or I put in one pair, but only one of the two socks comes out of the dryer…His twin brother is no where in sight.

Now…I had many years to think about this so there was a workable theory: It had to do with Quantum Physics, the origin of the universe, and the altering of our space/time continuum, more specifically, how those puzzles intersect with the Bermuda Triangle, hijacking its properties long enough to replicate a miniaturized yet similar phenomenon that connects to all washers and dryers.

No? OK fine!  I challenge you to offer a better explanation because my only solution back in those days was heading off to Walmart for more socks.

Now….I should say…In the passage of time, a far more plausible theory has been entertained in the quiet of the night when I do my best mediation.

And mark my words, this one will be difficult to argue with.

Ready? Here we go….It’s really so simple…Why didn’t I ever think of this before? When you wash a pair of socks, when you physically remove both socks from the washer and place them in the dryer in front of eyewitnesses who could verify your actions in a sworn affidavit, when you nevertheless open the dryer later only to discover one sock, not two, there is only one explanation for the one sock!

Global warming!

How can a disappearing sock be caused by global warming, you ask?

Silly! Everything is caused by global warming…So that must include socks. It only stands to reason…

This is Bob Siegel, making the unobvious, more obvious!

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