In addition to the music and the decorations, holiday movies have become a part of our culture.

Every year on the radio, we air my Holiday Movie Review program. Meanwhile, I want to take a few moments right now to talk about OTHER holiday movies BESIDES the classics such as It’s a Wonderful Life and Miracle on 34th Street.

Yes, I’m talking about Hallmark Christmas Movies!!!!

My wife Dana loves them! She watches tons of them. From time to time we watch one together.

Now, we do have different reactions, hers being a just a tad bit more on the positive side.

I will concede that they are beautifully filmed with breathtaking scenery. They are also heartwarming, something we want during the Christmas season.

And of course, we already know the ending to Home Alone, Charlie Brown, and others, so it’s nice to have original, unpredictable stories.

Just one problem; HALLMARK MOVIES ARE NEITHER ORIGINAL NOR UNPREDICTABLE.
The characters may change, but the story is always the same.

I’d like to present to you, the transcript from a Bob Siegel Show debut, my own outline for a Hallmark Christmas Movie!

Since they usually have the word “Christmas” somewhere in the title, I will put it in my title too! I call this, A GENERIC HALLMARK CHRISTMAS.

Here’s the plot…Follow carefully…

A big business tycoon already engaged to a woman who also loves both business and the big city, is sent to a small town to help his company buy up the land and put in a new mega shopping center. This will involve many owners of charming stores and charming homes needing to sell. It already looks like the town needs to sell to someone because the wood mill that kept their economy going for so many years has long since closed down. But should they sell, this charming little town, along with its special Christmas celebration, WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!!

They will, for all intents and purposes, cease to exist.

The businessman does not mind spending his Christmas working on a traveling project because he personally hates Christmas.

He poses as a reporter coming through town to write about their famous annual Christmas scavenger hunt.

While here, he meets a twenty-something home town girl who helps her dad with the family book store.

At first they do not get along. This is very important. AT FIRST THEY DO NOT GET ALONG.

Why? Because later in the movie they WILL get along! Not only will they get along; they will fall in love!

Now, it won’t happen quickly, mind you. After all, there’s a two-hour movie to fill, well, more like 90 minutes with commercials.

But slowly, the businessman will become enamored with both the girl and the town itself. They will be teamed together on the scavenger hunt He will not be revealing during this time that he is checking out the town for purposes of buying and rebuilding. That will happen later.

But on this scavenger hunt, he will at least have a candid moment where he confesses that he grew up hating Christmas because Dad and Mom were seldom around.

There will be an awkward moment somewhere in the film where city-boy and hometown girl start to get feelings for each other and quickly cover it up. There will also be a moment where somebody in town mistakes them for a couple and tells them what a nice couple they make. Man oh man! Will that ever make things even more awkward!

About midway through the movie, their Christmas traditions will start to grow on him. About two thirds into the movie, they will almost kiss, but somebody will walk into the room and interrupt them before they get a chance.

At some time in the film, some senior citizen, probably the girl’s widowed father, will have a profound heart to heart talk with the lad about things really important in life. You see, earlier he had concluded that this dude would be perfect for his daughter. He just doesn’t know it yet.

And then, late in the movie, we have an ingredient mandatory to every Hallmark film:

THE BIG MISUNDERSTANDING!!!!!

In this case, it will be his old girlfriend who surprises him by popping in at an inopportune moment to tell him she decided to join him for Christmas. This big city girlfriend will also inform Home Town Girl that her new found friend was only scoping the town to do major redevelopment. She’ll be devastated!

Here’s a sample of the crisp, snappy dialogue:

“You were just using me.”

“At first, maybe, but in time I came to really care for you. In fact, I already called my boss and told him the deal is off. Honest! I meant to tell you!”

See? It’s only the timing that’s off. The BIG misunderstanding!

Naturally, everything gets worked out. Not only does the guy stay, he uses his creative business sense to develop the town into a tourist attraction. It saves the town, and saves Christmas tabboot!

Of course, he marries Home Town Girl and sends City Girl packing!

Well, there you have it! A GENERIC HALLMARK CHRISTMAS.

Now, to be fair, there ARE SOME variations to these stories. It could be a big city WOMAN who meets a home town man!

And the man could be helping with his mom’s farm instead of his dad’s book store.

Hear Bob’s critiques of other Christmas movies:

Bob’s Picks: Best and Worst Holiday Movies

 

After hearing Bob’s critique of Christmas movies, check out Bob’s own Christmas story, The Dangerous Christmas Ornament, a fun, adventurous novel that kids have not been able to put down and yet it teaches them Judeo-Christian values!

 

The Dangerous Christmas Ornament

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