This story is taken from my novel, The Dangerous Christmas Ornament.
Although part of a much larger adventure, the particular incident below can still be enjoyed as a self contained story. What you would need to know before reading, is just a bit of the following background information:
Twelve year old Mike Owen has received a special present from his eccentric Aunt Loureen, a magic Christmas ornament. The ornament functions as a kind of Aladdin’s lamp but with a unique twist: Each time Mike’s wish is granted, something bad happens to another person who was with him at the time the wish was spoken.
Copyright (c) 2000 by Bob Siegel
We always had leftovers the night after Christmas. The turkey and stuffing was still good, but Mom made some lima beans to go with it, and I hated lima beans. At first it looked like I was gonna get away with not eating them because nobody seemed to notice. But then my little brat sister, Shelly ruined everything.
“Daddy, Mike isn’t eating his lima beans.”
“Shut up and mind your own business!”
“Michael,” Mom said. “I will not have the words shut up in this house.”
“You know what you are?” I said to Shelly. “You’re a fink!”
Shelly stuck her tongue out at me from across the table. I wanted to run over and pull every curl out of her blonde little head. I’m not usually a brother who would hurt his sister, but she was making me very angry. Anyway, it didn’t matter. In front of our parents I couldn’t do much more than sit still and take what comes.
“Eat your lima beans,” Dad said. “They’re good for you.”
I could never understand why parents told kids about food being good for them. They seemed to think that this was some kind of fantastic new piece of information which would instantly change our minds and cause us to actually enjoy eating whatever it was we didn’t wanna eat. I know many kids, and I’ve never seen this work on any of them. But for some reason, parents still like saying it every single time.
“I think I’m allergic to lima beans.”
“Nice try,” Dad said. “Now eat them, and don’t make me tell you again.”
Mom spoke more gently. “Honey, you were tested for allergies. And you are not allergic to lima beans.”
“I think I am. I think that’s why I don’t like them. And once I threw up after eating them.”
“Are you going to stop fussing?” Dad shouted. “Or do I have to come over and feed you myself? In this family we finish our plates!”
Aunt Loureen came to my rescue. “Oh James, why carry on so? If he doesn’t like it, why make him eat it?”
“This doesn’t concern you, Loureen.”
“It most certainly does. I’m sitting at the same table as the rest of you, and I have to listen to you bellyache.”
“He’s my son, and I want him to eat his lima beans. He needs the vitamins.”
“So I’ll give him a vitamin tablet after dinner.”
“Butt out, Loureen!”
“Oh Goose burgers! Butt out yourself.”
“So help me…” Dad looked like he was about to shout, but instead, he paused and lowered his voice. “Now look. If you had kids of your own you’d want them to be healthy.”
“I do want them to be healthy.”
“Yeah? Well good then. Lima beans are healthy.”
“Of course they are. But is it worth ruining the kid’s dinner? Let him enjoy himself. After all, it’s Christmas.”
“Christmas was yesterday.”
“It’s the season, James, the season. Today is still Christmas.”
“Oh it’s Christmas. Well Whoopty Do Da Day…Let’s not eat healthy today. It’s Christmas. While we’re at it, let’s not eat healthy on New Year’s Day either or Valentine’s Day…And let’s not forget Groundhog Day.”
“Oh Goose burgers!”
I’ve never had a goose burger. I don’t think Aunt Loureen has either. They probably don’t even exist. But she said the word a lot.
“Son,” my dad continued, “You are going to eat those lima beans. That is just the way it is going to be.”
“But I did eat them, Dad.”
“All right, now I’ve had enough of this nonsense.” He got up from his seat and came over to my side of the table.
“Honest, Dad! I ate them!”
Mom pointed to my plate. “He’s telling the truth, Jim.”
Dad looked like he was ready to fall over, for sure enough, there wasn’t one lima bean to be found. While he and Aunt Loureen were arguing, I suddenly remembered that since the dining room was attached to the living room where the ornament hung on our tree, I could quietly whisper a wish. It was my very first wish, at least, the very first wish where I actually knew I was wishing. Up till now, I hadn’t been too sure about everything Aunt Loureen explained the night before. Today the whole family had driven up to an ice capped mountain and played in the snow all day long, so there wasn’t a lot of time to think about the ornament. But I hated lima beans so much, I just had to make the wish. I didn’t even have time to wonder what bad thing might happen because to me nothing bad could possibly be worse than an ugly, slimy lima bean. When it worked and I actually saw those horrible beans disappear off my plate, I wanted to jump out of my chair and scream, “It works! Oh Aunt Loureen! Isn’t this wonderful? It actually works!” But I knew I would be in big trouble if Dad wasn’t somehow convinced that I had actually eaten the things myself, so I pretended as best I could to be calm.
“What’s going on here? You could not possibly have eaten them so fast.”
“Well, I only had a few left,” I lied. “Shelly was the one making a big deal out of it. While you were talking to Aunt Loureen, I finished them.”
“You finished them. I’ll just bet you did. I thought I saw more than a few.”
“But you were sitting way over on the other side. It must have looked like more from over there.”
“Yeah? Well let’s just check your napkin.”
When I was little, I used to stuff my napkin with lima beans, but I hardly ever got away with it. While Dad looked around my plate and under the table I started wondering about the bad thing. It was gonna happen to somebody else, but who? And then I saw them, a little pile of lima beans stacked neatly on Shelly’s plate. Nobody had noticed yet, not even Shelly. I tried very hard not to laugh.
Dad scratched his head. “I guess he ate them.”
“Can we finish our dinner now in peace?” Mom pleaded.
“Hey Dad, aren’t you gonna make Shelly finish her beans?”
“I did finish my...Hey!”
Aunt Loureen gave me a sharp glance as she quickly pieced together what had happened. I hoped she wouldn’t tell on me. I didn’t think she would because, like I said before, Aunt Loureen was different from other adults.
“Your turn, Shelly,” Dad said. “Eat your lima beans.”
“I did eat them, Daddy.”
“What do you call that?”
“Those aren’t mine! Those are Mike’s! He put them on my plate!”
“How could I do that, Dopey? I’ve been sitting here the whole time.”
“Now, Honey,” Mom said. “You know Mike didn’t put them on your plate.”
“Yes he did. This is a trick!”
Lucky for me Dad didn’t believe in tricks. “Eat your lima beans, Shelly. I won’t tell you again.”
“Hey Dad, since I’m done, can I be excused?”
“Yeah sure,” he said, still looking confused.
Shelly started crying as I walked away. I ran down the hall as fast as I could, darted into my room, jumped on the bed and started laughing harder than I had ever laughed in my life.
If you enjoyed this story, read more about the novel, The Dangerous Christmas Ornament.
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