Originally published by Communities @ Washington Times
SAN DIEGO, March 31, 2012?In an unprecedented press conference, the president made some announcements which elicited stunned gasps from the crowd of reporters who covered it.
Since that moment, all of Washington has been in a buzz as talking heads and spectators try to figure out just exactly what brought on such unpredicted change, especially during an election year when stark candor can be seen as a fatal flaw.
Speaking in generalities and avoiding specific names, the president began to distance himself from certain key decisions of his administration, claiming to be the victim of “some bad advice.”
With a calm countenance, the president expressed remorse over public perception that he somehow disrespects his own country. His first example was drawn from the pool of foreign policy.
“I was advised by many to apologize quickly over that accidental Koran burning,” he seemed to say earnestly to a group of jaw dropping Washington correspondents. “Well, it’s true that we must always maintain a humble, introspective attitude, and yes, apologies can often be helpful, but in this particular case, I may have apologized a little too soon. I only meant to improve our already strained relations with Afghanistan and other countries in the Muslim world.”
“However, if my well intentioned words sent mixed signals about the love I have for our great nation, if somehow this is being read as an indictment of America, or a sign of weakness that emboldens the policies of governments such as Iran, then let me clarify: America has nothing to apologize for! Absolutely nothing! The world owes us time and time again. How many of our critics would even be alive right now if the United States had not bailed them out over the years? Our policies do not breed terrorism.”
“Neither does Guantanamo Bay. The fuel for terrorist organizations such as Al Qaeda is their own hateful and twisted interpretation of an otherwise peaceful religion. It has nothing to do with America.”
While seeming to be on a roll, the president continued to unleash further sentiments that may have been bottled up for quite some time,
“Since we are on the subject of blame, the statute of limitations has also run out on George Bush. No more claiming that I’m cleaning up George Bush’s mess, or even the mess of Republicans in general. I have been President for almost four years now. If there is a mess, it is my own responsibility. Republicans weren’t even in power during my first two years. Most of what I wanted to accomplish, I did accomplish. What worked, worked. What didn’t work was my own doing.”
While reporters exchanged bewildered glances, as if to silently ask, ‘Can this be the same man?’, the president’s concluding remarks drew the most raised eyebrows:
“It may cost me an election, but since I ran the first time by talking about one America, rather than a red state/blue state America, I must stop demonizing those who disagree with me. That may be effective strategy, but its unethical strategy.”
When asked to elaborate about the “bad advice he had received,” Obama refused to offer specific names, but he did admit that poor counsel was coming from many directions including; cabinet members, campaign advisers; even his personally appointed czars. Since many conservative pundits have complained for years that the president takes no responsibility for his own actions, he was asked on Friday if this newly sung tune merely shifts blame from Republican adversaries to Democratic advisers, insulating him from blame once again.
“Yes, I can see how some would perceive it that way,” the president answered, “which is why I am firing some of these counselors before it is too late. But let us not interpret such spring cleaning as a passing of the buck. A wise hero of mine had it right years ago by saying, ‘The buck stops here..’”
AUTHOR’S NOTE: OK. Even if you didn’t figure this out early in the article, you must be catching on by now…A P R I L F O OL S !
But tell the truth: Didn’t it give you just a taste of what it might feel like to actually have a man of integrity in the White House? Come November! Come Quickly!
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