Originally published by Communities @ Washington Times
SAN DIEGO, July 14, 2011 — George Orwell predicted a time when we would change our words to soften the truth and impact of our actions. His chilling prophecy has been fulfilled but the numbing effect is not limited to words.
It also applies to phrases.
Allow me to introduce a whole new kind of lexicon: Newspeak style, Politically Correct titles, expressions and designations. Test yourself and see how quickly you decipher the coded messages behind our nation’s touchy- feely pop rhetoric.
In the interest of being as inclusive as possible, allow me to start light, with some examples that all of us (liberal or conservative) can relate to and agree upon. After this, I fear my conservative peers will enjoy the exercise more than liberals.
We’ll begin with familiar words from a simple restaurant: A hostess speaks to you right after you walk through the front door and approach her:
“I’ll be right with you.”
TRANSLATION: “Actually I have no idea when I will be with you except that I know it’s going to take a good long time. After all, if I were really going to be right with you, I wouldn’t have needed to say anything. But since I just acknowledged your presence, you’re going to be cool about it, aren’t you?”
Later, after you have asked your waitress to check on an order that is taking a long time, she returns to the table and says:
“It’s coming right up.”
TRANSLATION: “If you hadn’t signaled us, we would never have even remembered anything about this order. Since you did bring it up, we quickly threw it on the grill. Had you not inquired, your order would have been as lost as King Solomon’s mines.”
OK. Now that wasn’t too painful, was it? Getting the point? People do not always speak what they mean. Let’s study one more easy example before bringing on the big guns: Recorded voice at a movie theater, long before the featured presentation:
“Welcome to the Pre-Show Entertainment.”
TRANSLATION: “Welcome to twenty minutes of commercials. These commercials build revenue for our theaters because the 10 dollars you just shelled out for your ticket and the 17 dollars you spent on a box of Milk Duds is not enough.”
All right. Time to leave our world of food and films for a P.C. explanation of current events, entities and opinions:
Fox News: A mockery of real journalism because their opinion programs tilt to the right.
Main Stream Media: The objective, unbiased news which NEVER editorializes from the left but instead shares those common sense ideas that any thinking, sophisticated person ought to have.
Racist: Anyone who objects to Obama’s ideas of wealth redistribution, or anyone who objects to Obama’s foreign policy. In brief: Anyone who objects to anything Obama says or does, period.
Pro- Choice: A term for accepting the rights of mothers to have an abortion.
Pro-Responsibility: A term for allowing the government to deny all other choices such as what we eat, drink, smoke, drive, listen to on the radio, or choose to teach our own children.
Responsible national security: Airport security check forcing an old lady to remove her diaper.
Irresponsible, paranoid, compassionless national security: Insisting that those who vote in elections show identification such as a driver’s license.
National Language: Something any country other than America should be allowed to have.
Borders: Something else, which any country other than America should be allowed to have.
Tolerant: A description for anyone willing to maintain a positive view of those with same-sex lifestyles.
Hateful: A description of anyone with the unmitigated nerve to tolerate an opposing view regarding same-sex lifestyles.
Responsible sacrificial compromise for Republican politicians: Forsaking their conservative principles and doing things exactly as Democrats want them done.
Responsible sacrifice and compromise for Democratic politicians: Maintaining their liberal principles because to do otherwise would be to forsake the poor and disenfranchised.
Medicare and Social Security: Important services President Obama insists will be cut if he isn’t allowed to have our debt ceiling raised along with increased taxes.
Stimulus Package: 787 billion in fiscally responsible funds from Obama and his 2009 congress, which was used for other important services such as:
-$6 million for a snowmaking facility in Duluth, Minnesota. Please don’t be disagreeable and partisan by reminding us that it already snows about 6 months out of the year in that state.
-$1.5 million for a fence to keep people from jumping off the All-American Bridge in Akron, Ohio. Since individuals don’t already know that they shouldn’t leap from bridges, such money demonstrates our government’s compassion and sense of responsibility toward protecting the lives of its citizens.
-$2.5 million in stimulus checks sent to people who have already died. Now that has to be the greatest all time example of money well spent.
Straight Face: A look maintained by President Obama in the midst of discussions aimed at fixing our national debt, where he claims that Republicans, unlike himself, are in election mode right now and not truly interested in problem solving.
“You’re a fascist!” Words spoken by a liberal instead of, “I do not know how to counter the points you just made with any honest reflection or reasoning.”
Satire from a liberal poking fun at conservatives: Something harmless, clever, brilliant and insightful.
Satire from a conservative poking fun at liberals: Something mean-spirited and hateful.
This is Bob Siegel, making the obvious, obvious.
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