Originally published by San Diego Rostra: November 17, 2010
Yes, Republicans swept through the House and a significant portion of the Senate. Still, for many of us, the euphoria is tempered. We couldn’t wait to see Harry Reid leave office. His approval ratings suggested such a departure, but it never happened. And then, there’s Barbara Boxer: For what it’s worth, Miss Boxer, I am very aware that you worked hard for your title and unlike General Walsh, I have not forgotten that you’re a real honest-to-goodness-Senator. Indeed, this fact gets most of the credit for driving me to the voting booth on the morning of November 2nd. But Alas, Boxer is still our Senator. Now we have to deal with Mam for another 6 years. Oh joy! Barney Frank is still in office as well, along with the criminal Charlie Rangel. Pelosi is also trying to hang around, demotion not withstanding.
And so, my friends, excited as we may be to have regained a heaping helping of Congress, a few isolated races (although not adding up to much in the grand scheme of things) still drew strong emotional investment and our disappointment is understandably painful. Thank goodness, there is one high profile race to be celebrated with a a fervor that rivals Munchkins of Oz singing about their freedom from the Wicked Witch of the East. After all, Alan Grayson, did lose. So let’s offer a frank, firm farewell to our favorite, Florida Congressman.
This is the man who stood on the floor of the House of Representatives, obnoxiously proclaiming to CSPAN cameras (and thus, to the world) that the Republican view of health care is to either not get sick or to simply die. He also ran a shameless, despicable ad, quoting his opponent Daniel Webster out of context. Speaking to a group of Evangelical Christians who hold ideas about wives submitting to their husbands, Webster admonished husbands not to exploit Bible verses about obedience and instead concentrate on loving their spouses. Alan Grayson quoted Webster’s usage of the word “obedience” repeatedly, without a trace of continuity with the original speech. His commercial announcer also compared Webster to Taliban lords, just the kind of accuracy and integrity we expect from a United States Congressmen who holds the trust of people in his palm.
Mr.Grayson, since you demonstrate such expertise at colorful language, I wouldn’t want you to head home from Washington empty handed. Allow me to propose a toast:
“We are excited to see the early retirement of a man whose arrogance is matched only by his ignorance, a cheat and a master linguist who excels in a special language called falsification. If awards were given out for lying, you, Mr. Grayson would be a Nobel Prize Laureate! He reminds me of a crooked used car salesman who sells cars without brakes. Then, when some disgruntled customer returns to complain, he also sells him the brakes saying: “If you wanted all the extras in your automobile, you should have ordered the deluxe package!”
Although tempted to compare Alan Grayson with snakes and scorpions, I will refrain from such name calling, as it would be an unfair insult to snakes and scorpions.
Mr. Grayson, you were a disgrace to the office of Congressman, but that’s not to say our country couldn’t use some of your more useful skills. Why not become a gymnastics instructor? You’d be a natural. After all, who else could make even dead people (such as our forefathers) turn in their graves?”
Well, I suppose that’s enough. As a general rule, I prefer to critique people’s ideas rather than their character. Those who read my blogs realize as much. But life is a mixture of rules with exceptions and every once in a while, somebody like the former congressman from Florida merits a departure from smiley discussion.. How did you like the toast Mr. Grayson? Do you enjoy being on the other side of accusations? Make no mistake, we found your own words every bit as outrageous, with one crystal clear difference: What I just said about you (albeit outrageous) happens to be outrageously true.
OK; not as good as getting rid of Reid, Pelosi, Rangle, Frank, and Boxer is one fell swoop, but Grayson’s vacant Washington office sure makes a nice consolation prize.
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