It’s only a matter of time. Soon somebody will tell us that Santa Claus is really gay. You think I’m kidding? Go try an Internet search and see how many people are claiming that Jesus was gay. Or, if you prefer the Old Testament, they claim that King David was gay. I guess that’s why he got into so much trouble for committing adultery with another man’s wife, but I digress. For years I have also heard that William Shakespeare was gay. This “conclusion” is based upon a single line from a single sonnet. I also heard, a while back, that George Washington was gay but that one has not been in the news as much recently, probably because the latest P.C. description likes to explain how George Washington should never be taught as a hero to our children. After all, he owned slaves. We don’t ever hear about how the institution of slavery disgusted him, how he agonized over the practice and finally released his slaves, but we do hear that he owned slaves, and well… a gay person couldn’t ever own a slave, could he? Only heterosexual males are evil! So lately there has been less embracing of George Washington by the gay activist community. But wait! Abraham Lincoln is a new one! Now, hot off the PC press, we learn that the author of the Gettysburg Address was gay! Yes, that makes more sense than George Washington. This man didn’t own slaves. He freed slaves. Surely, he must have been gay.
So much for historical figures. I began by talking about a myth, Santa Claus. You think this is a less relevant subject in the halls of fiction? Well, think again. I’m sure you must know the discussion isn’t limited to real people alone. J.K. Rowling, after finishing the last of her Harry Potter books, went out of her way to tell us that Dumbledore was gay. I even recall hearing that Bugs Bunny was gay. Remember how he used to kiss Elmer Fudd after outsmarting him?
Why make Santa Claus gay? Because he’s a nice guy. He brings presents. He’s full of love, not hate. He’s closer to wealth redistribution than Capitalism. He’s not like those stingy Republicans who want to see all children go to bed hungry (as Howard Dean informed us ever so factually).
Now…I have not yet actually heard anything about Santa Claus coming out of the igloo. Actually, if I were to run a goggle search, I have little doubt that I would find something but I wanted to make my point before performing such an inquiry because you know how much your ol’ pal Bob loves to offer predictions. So here is my prediction: Sooner or later someone will come forth and claim that Santa Claus is gay. Mrs. Claus, keep an eye out. He may be concealing his true identity and spending far too many hours with those bearded elves.
It’s only a matter of time. It will happen. Mark my words! There is nothing about the way our society is progressing, which suggests otherwise…
…EXCEPT…
Oh wait! Silly me! I forgot how hard it is to birth a new Politically Correct idea when it smacks head on into another Politically Correct idea. Right now, it is fashionable to frown upon Christmas altogether. As a matter of fact, North Carolina just decided to ban Christmas trees in public places like libraries. Somehow this offends people. They are so doped into believing that any semblance to a religious holiday violates their civil liberties, that they forget to stop, take a deep breath and say to themselves. “Oh for crying out loud. It’s a Pine Tree! Lighten up.” I know. I know. A real Pine Tree by itself is fine. It’s only when tinsel and ornaments are thrown on top, that the tree somehow eradicates our rights, forces people to become Christians against their will, and assures us that some policeman will be at our door tomorrow should we fail to convert.
So, anyway, the Politically Correct probably don’t want a gay Santa Claus just yet, because a GAY Santa Claus would be an ACCEPTABLE Santa, a kind of Santa the ACLU wouldn’t dare sue. Hmm…I guess we have postponed it for a while. OK. Never mind. I was wrong. There will not be a gay Santa after all.
This is Bob Siegel, just having fun. (Kind of)
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