Originally written for Town Hall 8-25-06

On the heels of the recent attempt to blow up some British flights mid air, the sleeping west has had to face the fact that terrorism just might still be alive and well. Since “evil” seems to be an extinct word, alternative explanations for the terrorism are once again being offered. My favorite? “Terrorism exists because of the conflict between Israel and the Palestinians. Until we solve the problem of the Middle East, terrorism will continue.”

Let’s see if we can follow this flawless logic:  Muslims blowing up British and Americans do so because of the Middle East. And Muslims blowing up people in Bali and in Spain do so because of the Middle East.  And in the Sudan where  thousands upon thousands of Christians are murdered by Muslims, it’s all because of the Middle East. And in the Philippines, where Muslims murder people and in India where there was as terrorist attack just recently that our media seems  to have forgotten about…All because of the Middle East. Oh…I almost forgot. It’s also because of George Bush. It couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that Muslim terrorists believe in  book which commands them to kill anyone who won’t convert to Islam. No sir. It’s only because of the conflict in the Middle East.

Meanwhile, back in England:  Evidently the potential bomb this time involved several liquids, harmless by themselves, explosive when mixed together. Now each time something like this happens, they have to add some new rules at the airport, not just the British airport, but our American airports as well.  Last time it was the elimination of razor blades or any other sharp object. Now, no liquid can be carried on to the plane. No drinks. No shaving lotion. Only a few important items like baby formula and that has to be checked.  Wonderful,

Of course if these 9/11 men who were actually fingered by the FBI had been deported instead of allowed to stay because their lawyers threatened a law suit. maybe 3000 people would still be alive and maybe the airport could have been spared stupid box cutter rules.

What’s next?  Somebody will set off a bomb in the bathroom on the plane and so passengers won’t be allowed to go to the bathroom anymore? They’ll have to hold it the entire flight?

Yes, Sir. New extra security measures, as if the lines weren’t slow enough already, now we’ve giving the airlines a new excuse to be their regular lightening speed selves

Actually, this is probably only the beginning.In order to take extra, special security measures, there is serious talk now about eventually just making everybody check all of their luggage. No more carry-ons! That way no bomb can get on the plane because people who work for the airport will be going through all of your bags and none of them could possibly plant anything in your luggage. Of course,  people from middle eastern, terrorist harboring countries are not allowed to be refused jobs at the airport because that would be racist. And don’t think we’ll just do like the Israelis and learn to stop only people who fit suspicious profiles because, well… you can’t look at a profile without profiling and “profiling” has become a Politically Incorrect word.

You see, it isn’t really about stopping the terrorists.  Its about creating airport security rules which look like we are really stopping them. That’s why  little  old ladies who can hardly move get stopped and questioned. But if you’re a young man from a Muslim country, step right on board.

And so, my friend,  forget about those quick electronic tickets that you punch out yourself from the computer terminal.  Forget about  heading right out to the gate because you only brought carry ons. There won’t be any more carry- ons, Jack.

“Well OK,”  some of you are saying to yourselves. “So it takes a little longer now. Checking our luggage isn’t the end of the world.”

No, it’s not the end of the world, but there is one problem:  Airlines are always losing luggage!!! But wait, there’s more. Now they’re talking, just talking mind you, about checking our cell phones too.

Well, OK, do we really need our cell phones? We all got along without them for years. And we’re never supposed to use them in the middle of a flight anyway.  Then again, cell phones came in pretty handy the last time terrorists decided to take a joy ride across our friendly skys. Remember the plane that went down in Pennsylvania?  Passengers were in communication with families that already knew what happened to the first three planes, so they took over the plane and probably kept it from destroying the capital building. These people may have spared our entire United States Congress.  (Although…Oh, never mind).

Even so, aside from such heroics, a cell phone is a pretty handy thing to have when the flight is over and the more incompetent the airline, the handier the cell phone becomes. When “extra security precautions” along with all the real reasons delay your flight, and when your plane finally comes in five hours late and when you aren’t able to get a hold of the friends who were going to pick you up, you’ll wish you could use your little cell phone. But you’ll have to wait some thirty minutes for your luggage to come out of the carousel, and chances are, that cell phone won’t come at all. Chances are, the phone, along with the rest of your luggage will be lost, sent to the wrong place. Oh wait!  You can still get in line for one of those white paging phones, You remember those white phones, the kind Fred Flintstone used to use?  The one with the big line of people who lost their cell phones too?

All luggage checked from now on. What a wonderful idea. Are they going to give us some kind of guarantee that luggage headed for Hawaii won’t end up in Gela Bend, Arizona?  Are they going to promise to fire whatever meatball put the wrong baggage tab on your luggage? Is that Huckleberry going to be out of a job? Well, maybe, as long as he  doesn’t come from a Muslim country.  But if he is from one of the countries that terrorists come from, they’ll give him a free pass. And you may just never  see your luggage again.

Now, you’re saying to yourself, “Bob, safety from terrorism is more important than airport inconvenience..”

I understand what you mean. Inconvenience is worth it if lives are saved. I do agree, but only to a point.  Think about this for a minute: Messing up our way of life is part of the strategy. Making life more difficult, even in the ordinary everyday routines, emboldens the terrorists. You see, taking out bloodthirsty dictators and cutthroats like Saddm Hussein  doesn’t embolden terrorists. That’s moveon.org gobbledygook or rhetoric from politicians who pay their spin misters for the speech and then go to bed wondering how they were able to recite such  words with a straight face. Making stupid decisions at the airports? That does embolden terrorists. Why? Because one way, we are upsetting their way of life. The other way, they are upsetting our way of life.  They just love seeing Americans create more and more stupid rules, rules that can’t really guarantee to stop all terrorists’ actions anyway.  Face it, if these dudes representing the religion of peace really want to blow things up, sooner or later they’ll get lucky. What stops them is the way we punish them And we do need to punish them even if Ted Kennedy and the New York Times and the United Nations  don’t like it. Why do we punish them? Because it’s not all about the Middle East It’s also about evil. And if stupid self imposed rules are all we can do about evil, then we may as well give up, follow our luggage to Gila Bend, Arizona and live there ourselves.

This is Bob Siegel, making the obvious, obvious.

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