Her name was Dannette. I will always remember her as a woman who showed a rare courage in the face of a mighty adversity, a woman willing to challenge the tide of the times and stand up for what she really believed. Indeed, many others believe in the same thing, but Dannette had the guts to speak up on behalf of the silent majority. She dared to tread heavily where others would not even skate.
Dannette, you see, was at her wedding rehearsal, giving instructions to a couple of ushers. “When you seat people tomorrow,” she said, “Mothers with infants and toddlers are to be seated in the back with clear instructions to leave if their child makes noise. The last time I went to a wedding, I couldn’t hear a thing the minister said because a baby was screaming the entire time.”
I wanted to applaud! I wanted to dance! I wanted to do cartwheels! Not because she was sharing some outrageously clever idea which no one had ever thought of before. Quite the contrary. I believe many have wanted to do the same, but instead have refrained from bursting another of those sacred cows, which we Christians manufacture on a daily basis. After all, weddings are about family. How can we be respecting family if little Johnny and cuddly Doris aren’t decked out in the cutest of outfits, sitting next to Aunt Flawsy? If they interrupt the wedding, so what? It’s cute, and what’s more, it’s kin!
Never mind the hours of rehearsal, or the half-year of planning which went into making this once-in-a-lifetime day a special experience no one would ever forget. Never mind that the minister might want somebody to actually hear what he has to say about marriage, or that the couple may have written their own unique marriage vows. Never mind that their best friends are going to sing. It doesn’t matter! What matters, is the jubilant noise of youth reminding us of how wonderful it is to bring relatives together in one room.
We do little better at church services. In a wedding, nobody even thinks to provide a nursery, but churches do offer such a convenience for interested parents. Still, there is always the parent who isn’t interested, who doesn’t want anyone else holding her baby. Yes, this sacred cow visits most churches on a regular basis, for even when childcare is offered, it is seldom insisted upon. Nobody wants to be a bad guy. Nobody wants to say, “All right. If you don’t wish to take your child to the nursery, we are at least going to ask that you sit in the back and leave the room immediately if there is the slightest peep.”
Sounds terrible, doesn’t it? Sounds cruel, unreligious, anti-parent and a whole host of other nasty things. Not to mention that if you say this to a first time visitor, they might not come back. Then the numbers of the church would not go up and what could be more important than that?
I realize it is not easy being a parent. (I raised two children of my own.) I realize that babies and toddlers are going to make noise. These are simple facts of life. Parents who have learned to ignore screeches and squirmings, so as to get housework done, are to be congratulated. It is a skill likened to three-dimensional chess. But this very virtue can be a problem outside the home. In fact, if a parent is able to ignore the voice of a child while listening to a sermon, it may be all too easy for them to assume others are doing the same. Sorry Mom, sorry Dad, this is not the case. Instead, people are missing the sermon. An inability to view loud Junior as a problem, is insensitivity at the very least, and downright rudeness at the very most.
I am calling upon Christians to re-evaluate this sacred cow, because there are genuine sacred practices, which this cow interrupts with its non-stop mooing. Is it compromising our high view of family to insist upon childcare? Who benefits when children ruin church services? Do we want a child’s first memories of church to be Mom saying, “Shh. Sit still,” when that memory could be of loving people reading to them and playing games with them? Who are we really catering to by allowing this distracting, annoying practice to go on? We are catering to some cautious parents who do not like baby sitters. The trade-off isn’t worth it! Let’s do away with the cow. Elsa isn’t as sacred as we think.
By the way, Dannette’s ushers did instruct a woman to take her baby out if it made noise. When it started crying, she stood up and moved to the back door. She remained there, as her infant cried for the remainder of the service. OK, so nobody heard the wedding ceremony, despite the cautious, but virtually ignored instructions. Never mind. It was family! And after all, isn’t that what a wedding is really all about?
